Today, after about eight years of being made to feel that I am a total wimp of a hypochondriac and just need to GET. A. GRIP, guess what?
Ever since my my eldest daughter was born, I’ve been ill! Or at least, I’ve been convinced I am. The various GP’s I’ve seen… not so much!
My list of ‘complaints’ have pretty much all been dismissed as “something you have to expect, and learn to live with at my age / with two young children”.
Except the under-active thyroid. I was ‘allowed’ that one as there was a test for that… and a bog standard, one size fits all, treatment protocol.
The aches, pains, exhaustion and various wide ranging and never ending list of other symptoms? All attributed to age, children, lifestyle and depression!
A couple of months ago, having hit my heaviest ever point on the scales, suddenly finding that NOTHING fitted me anymore (hell nothing even two / three dress sizes bigger was fitting) and becoming so used to being congratulated on another pregnancy (!!) that I could contain my tears and devastation until I got home, I hit a real, gut wrenching low.
A low where I found myself feeling that, if I’m really going to feel like this for the rest of my life, then I’m out!! This isn’t a life!
Yeah, I hear you, that’s depression talking, right? I mean, why else would you lose the will to live?
Personally, I don’t think it was depression. It was despair.. there’s a difference.
Now, I am nothing if not a stubborn bugger so decided that, somehow, I would get to the bottom of whatever was actually causing me to feel so shit!
I blogged recently about pushing my GP for a specialist referral. Well, along with being stubborn, I’m also pretty bloody impatient.
So I did some research. The more I looked the more I became absolutely convinced that everything I was experiencing wasn’t down to age, my kids, or depression. It was thyroid related.
Convincing the GP to explore that was clearly going to be a futile waste of the little energy I actually have, so I decided to take advice from a Nutritional Therapist recommended by a friend.
I am extremely fortunate that Mum stepped in to foot the bill as, having quit my job and moved house, the coffers are currently pretty empty!
And today I got my results.
I am not a menopausal hypochondriac… (I might still prove to be menopausal but we’ll park that for now).. I actually have a really common, if very debilitating, condition called Hashimoto’s Disease.
NEVER have I been so pleased to be told I have a disease!!
Because now I can treat it! It’s not going to be easy, in fact it’s going to need a total lifestyle overhaul, but I’m not nuts, I’m not a fake, a time waster or a wimp. I am an actual walking textbook presentation of a recognised condition.
What makes me really cross though, is that despite my medical history, my many GP visits and my family history of auto-immune conditions, I was REFUSED the tests that could have identified this a long time ago.
I have been allowed, in fact encouraged, to accept my lot is to be a fat, ageing, moaner, despite having a background of health, fitness and wellbeing. And I am ONLY now able to get well again, because my Mum could foot the bill for me to go private!
Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t (despite how it might appear) an exercise in NHS bashing. I believe we are actually extremely lucky to have the system, as imperfect as it is. However, it IS an exercise in demonstrating that the NHS is so ridiculously over stretched that people are having to settle for sub-standard care, resulting in sub-standard lives!
I’ll be sharing the highs and lows of my journey as I make the changes needed to get well again.
A journey which will (hopefully) see my regain the health to be able to run again so that I can slay my marathon demons next April in Manchester.
For now though, it’s going to be all about healing.
Have you had any experience of Hashimoto’s Disease?
If so, I would love your top healing tips.