To say my relationship with running has been a bit hit and miss since Brighton would be a massive understatement. Having had a course of acupuncture which resulted in a huge reduction in pain from my Achilles as well as increased flexibility in my ankle, I expected just to lace up my trainers a trot off running again.
It didn’t happen like that.. at. all!
First I ran a little way, it hurt (not my ankle but everywhere else) and I felt quite despondent. I could feel from the way my body was moving that I was seriously out of shape and this was going to need more than just a couple of runs to get back to where I had been. And that was enough to pretty much turn me off of running altogether.
I wrote a training plan.. With Bournemouth Half in October I thought perhaps a plan would focus my mind. I followed it for about 3 days!
Cue another ‘break’ from training.
I went to a couple of club sessions. They were REALLY tough but I enjoyed them even though they highlighted how much work I needed to do. Then events kind of took over and I’ve missed the last few weeks of club nights.
What I have achieved over the last 3 weeks or so being more regular with my running. Although even that has been tough. I’m not going far or fast but I am going and I’m gradually going faster. I’ve had more than a few runs that have left me sobbing in the shower because it just feels like a mammoth task to make any progress.
On top of that, I’ve been experiencing huge guilt about running before the girls go to bed. Even though The Husband tells me it’s fine and just to go, when the youngest is literally screaming for me, shutting the door and leaving her behind is the toughest thing I could ever do. As melodramatic as it may sound, I find myself thinking, “Oh Lordy, if I have an accident and don’t come home from this run, her lasting memory is going to be of me running away from her whilst she screams for me”. I know it’s not logical. I know I am a better mummy once I’ve been for a run. I know she’s safe. I know the chances of me not coming home from a run are absolutely minute… I know all of that but it is still SO hard to leave her like that. And of course SHE knows that!
Over the last week I have put in a few extra miles – not many but they all count – and I am hoping that I’ll be turning a corner soon. When I’m running it feels like I’m going faster than I actually am which, I think, is down to my CV fitness and that will only improve over time. And I’m walking less than I was which feels like a massive step in the right direction.
I don’t think that Bournemouth is likely to be the half marathon PB I was secretly hoping it would be when I entered. But perhaps if I can just achieve a consistent run and enjoy it, that will be enough!
While this has all been playing out there have been many times that I have questioned my stubborn insistence to keep running. Especially when I recently had so much more fun in some really tough gym classes! But I’m nothing if not stubborn!
UPDATE: Whilst this post has been sat in my drafts, I’ve actually had a few good runs AND got beyond 5 miles which seems to have been a real sticking point post marathon! Maybe things are on the up….
How do you cope when your training becomes a roller coaster?
What techniques do you use to tackle the mum guilt?