When reality bites!

It’s been a while since I posted. It’s been a frustration of late as I had started to get into a better routine with posts being a bit less sporadic. And then this morning I realised why I haven’t posted….

It’s been a bit of a weird time recently and I kind of feel like I’ve gone back into survival mode after a reasonably good run of positivity. I haven’t been running, life feels like the good stuff has been put on hold whilst the grind of the day to day has taken over and, in all honesty, I haven’t been in the mood to even try to sparkle!

Today I’ve been feeling particularly low. Without doubt the horrific attack in Manchester this week has impacted my mood. Something I know I’m not alone in experiencing. When these things happen it makes you want to gather those you love around you, hug them tight and never let them go. I’ve seen some beautiful quotes on social media about how the world isn’t really as bad as it may sometimes seem and that there is more good than evil in the world. And thank God that’s true. But still…

And the other stuff…. well I haven’t really run since the marathon. In part I think because the whole episode was just such a nightmare it made me feel utterly useless. But also because I came out the other side of the training with an achilles injury. It’s been treated – another post will follow on that – and hopefully, when I can eventually sniff out my mojo, that will no longer be an issue.

Life – of late has been ALL about the house… the kitchen overhaul continues but there is light at the end of the tunnel. People keep telling me I won’t want to move once it’s finished but that is not true. Mentally I’ve already moved! No doubt that’s not helping with how I feel about things at the moment as the bottom seems to have fallen out of the market for our style of house at the moment!

The challenges of a young family are immense in ways that you never even imagine before you have children. I love the girls to bits and couldn’t imagine life without them but….they are utterly ALL CONSUMING!

It’s not hard to see why so many relationships flounder when children are young. With the best will in the world it is impossible to prioritise looking after your partner and yourself when you have two dependant children. There’s nothing more to give anyone else once the children have taken what they need.

It always puzzles me how an emotion I often feel is loneliness. Crazy as it sounds, I’m surrounded by people all.the.time and yet often feel really alone!

Mentally, emotionally, physically and financially I feel ruined!

Work’s been a bit of a personal challenge lately too. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed for a while. Always worrying about work when I’m with the girls and about home stuff when I’m at work. It’s affected me deeply and has been really unsettling. There just aren’t enough hours in the day and as a recovering perfectionist and control freak, the feeling of failing in all aspects of my life has been strong!

And sparkle….. yeah – not feeling the sparkle so much these days!

Wow – I have no idea where some of the came from. It’s bizarre when you start to write about the fact you have nothing to write about and then all sorts of ‘stuff’ just tumbles out. I guess that’s why I’ve always kept the blog running. It has a cathartic benefit to me. Even if nobody else reads it!

But if you have, and you’re still reading after all that self obsessed doom and gloom, then thank you! I’ll try and make the next post more cheery!


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