It’s not you. It’s me….

My reality of a chronic health condition

First up, a caveat! This is my take on living with my chronic health condition. It is in no way a ‘poor me’ article. Indeed, I am very much aware that, as chronic health conditions go, I am very lucky. For the most part my symptoms are stable and managed by medication and my life trots along relatively unaffected. If only everyone were this lucky.

However, from time to time, things don’t go quite so smoothly and the meds don’t have quite the impact they usually do.

One such time is when life starts to get a bit overcrowded… Nothing majorly out of kilter, just busier than usual. When I start to stay up a bit later, eat a little bit more junk and generally forget to look after myself as well as I should.

Like right now..

Months of marathon training is coming to an end (which means the marathon is REALLY FREAKING SOON!), there is work being done on the house, work is busy and I’m trying to build my Stella & Dot business…. On their own, none of those elements are an issue. In fact, most of them combined still aren’t really a problem. But ALL of them… plus busy, overtired children….. Yep – burnout potential!

What I have noticed is that, at times like these, my meds don’t quite cut the mustard. I start to feel more and more tired, my emotions get a bit emotional (!), my body hurts and just functioning at the minimum acceptable level is as much as I can do. I get constant headaches, I bump in to things, I drop things, I can’t hold a thought for more than a few seconds.

I literally, have to force myself to slow down…. Except of course I don’t. Who really does these days? Even if ‘watching TV’ we tend to multi-screen and very rarely allow ourselves to really switch off.

In time, it will pass – these things always do. In a couple of weeks the marathon will be a memory and my life will no longer be decreed by the plan on the wall. But then, I am already starting to worry that, with nothing to train for, I just won’t!

The school holidays (and a week off work) will allow time to catch up on the aspects of life that don’t quite get ticked off the to do list in term time. Unfortunately, that won’t be lazy lie-ins and trips to the beach. Nor will it be a holiday. But it’ll be a break from the monotony of the day to day school / work routine. The children will get a break from a routine which, without a doubt tires them out too.

The ebb and flow of work will continue. Deadlines will loom, cause pressure, be met and will pass…. Until the next one. But that’s fine… a deadline is a great motivator!

I won’t stop the Stella & Dot. I am enjoying it too much. The ethos of the organisation is fabulous and it’s pushing me a little out of my comfort zone. And that’s good for me. I will have capacity to look for ways to build my little business and, hopefully, even my team.

With those improvement, my condition will stabilise again, the meds will do their thing and all will be well.

But for now? Well, excuse me if I’m a bit out of sorts. It’s not you – it’s me!


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