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The drugs don’t work…..

Or do they?

Fear not, I am talking strictly legal, prescription meds that keep me from being a total fruit loop….. or maybe they just reduce my fruit loopiness a bit!

I had resigned myself to just sticking with the meds. A few failed attempts to reduce them had rocked my confidence and I felt that, maybe, it was better just to suck it up and accept that this chemical imbalance is now part of me and if the meds help then so be it…

The trouble is, whilst anti d’s put you (me) on a more even keel (I still have ups and downs), what they also do is stop you (me) truly feeling. They don’t just take the edge off feeling low, they take if off the ups too. And the longer it goes on, the more I realise that the impact of that isn’t particularly great.

If I’m going through a low it’s possible (although not easy) to plaster on a brave face and push through. But, strangely, when things are good, it is SO hard to ‘fake’ the happiness. That genuine joy that so many people I know experience, just isn’t quite there for me. Even when I should be having an amazing time, there is something missing.

And if you’re prone to a bit of overthinking (who, me???!) then it’s easy to start questioning whether it’s the meds preventing me feeling really happy – or is it how I really feel? How do I find out? Would it be better to bite the bullet and gradually come off the meds and just learn to ride the lows out?

 

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