Please drive carefully. Beware of bumps in the road, curve balls and woods so dense you can’t see the trees!
In the three weeks since my last post (the one where I sounded motivated to run again!) I have been struggling. Seriously struggling.
I knew the period after the (abandoned) Southampton HM would be tough as we are having lots of work done on the house and that has a knock on impact on time for training. The girls are demanding so I can’t really leave them with The Husband while I train as that means he can’t get on with any of the DIY!
I can’t lie, I don’t cope well with mess at the best of times. The upheaval of the work is an addition I could well do without. I can’t run to release the extra pressure, don’t want to be at home because of the mess and not being at home = the house falling into even greater disarray as the day to day falls behind! A vicious circle that is frying my brain.
Running is supposed to be my sanity saver but putting the training on the back burner for 8 weeks means it’s actually another stressor that I am starting to resent.
As an all or nothing personality, this all now sees me undoing my other efforts in the first 4 months of the year. The lost weight is being found (!), the bad food choices are creeping back in and I am embracing my inner sloth.
Elsewhere in life I feel a little paralysed. I feel like I have so many different plates spinning that I can’t focus and as a result am just about functioning day to day.
In less than two weeks I am (possibly) going to Endure24. I’ve done this event twice before and loved it both times. Eight weeks ago I was so looking forward to going and had high hopes of completing more laps than I have previously (I’ve always succumbed to injuries).
Now? I’ve been putting off getting new trail shoes, haven’t even started a kit list and I feel no joy or excitement at the thought of going.
When I (over) analyse how I’m feeling, I can only describe it as a state of overwhelm. The normal, day to day stuff that everyone has to deal with just about feels doable at the best of times. And right now, is not the best of times.
Right now, getting three people out the door on time every day, (hopefully) appropriately dressed, with the necessary bags, snacks, drinks, homework, library books, rainbow uniform, sports kit, nappies and wipes AND getting each of us to the right place by roughly the right time without screaming like a mad woman (ALWAYS a Big. Fat. Fail.) is all the challenge I can take (note I don’t say manage – on more than one occasion I have had to head home in the middle of the day to collect and deliver forgotten coats, lunch bags and so on).
The upside of this post is that writing it all down is actually quite therapeutic. I wrote all of the above and then went off and got on with my day. Rereading my earlier notes, I still feel overwhelmed but I have ordered the trail shoes so I’m one step in the right direction.