This one’s a mental download post – it simply serves to get my thoughts out of my head so they stop festering! Here goes…
Anyone with children knows that life is just one big balancing act. You basically just make it up as you go along and hope for the best… Most of the time it’s fine. And then along comes a spell like the last few weeks.
I’d love to pinpoint the date the balance started to shift but I can’t. It’s been a subtle shift over a period of time and has now reached ludicrousness!
The Husband, always busy and hotfooting all over London and the South East managing his projects, has been under immense pressure… and it’s increasing. Whilst I can be prone to a touch of poetic licence to make the blog a little more readable (let’s face it, life is pretty dull for most people most of the time!) I am in no way exaggerating when I say that he has been working long into the evening, after a full on day. And on some days has been working into the early hours of the morning. Coupled with the fact that he’s generally out the door by 6.15 every morning, he is utterly exhausted and not seeing very much of the girls at all.
Meanwhile, I’ve been ‘attempting’ to absorb the home pressures – but not being well known for keeping my opinions to myself I do occasionally let rip with a few points of view… Most of which The Husband doesn’t really need to hear, it’s stuff he already knows!
Generally things are sort of all well and good, but of late, my work pressures have increased too. Simultaneously, Youngest Mini Me has been hurtling towards her 2nd birthday (the feared Terrible Twos clearly emerging) and Eldest Mini Me is suffering extreme End of Term-itis (tired, grouchy & emotional). Basically, the household seems to be in a constant state of over-tired, stressed, panic, headed up by me – the Screaming Banshee of the Hedge!
This week things peaked (or at least I hope they have). With Wednesday childcare issues ongoing (resolved from the start of the Summer holidays thankfully… although only to be replaced by a different set of childcare issues!) and Youngest Mini-Me turning two yesterday, I can’t even explain the guilt and conflict at having to rely on other people to change their plans to do the necessary pickups from school and the childminder, and more importantly of missing most of her birthday party. For the first time in a very long time, work pressures reduced me to tears. To be fair, it wasn’t so much the work thing as the absolutely crappy timing that made everything turn to rat-shit (sorry Mum!) on Flo’s 2nd birthday!
It wasn’t until much later that I realised I had also missed the ‘Meet the Year 1 Teacher’ parents evening…Go on then, lets have an extra dollop of mummy guilt!
As a result I headed to bed last night too mentally and emotionally drained to even consider setting the alarm for the planned 5am run (curiously I just mis-typed that as rum….. is it too early?).
But after all’s said and done, working is a choice I make and it’s one that’s right for me and my family. It keeps me sane and (hopefully) makes me a better parent. Unfortunately I have to accept that sometimes it will also mean I can’t be where I want / need to be. I can’t lie though, it’s bloody hard!
If you’re still with me, thanks for reading and apologies for the indulgence! I’d love to hear I’m not alone.
Here’s your open invitation to the Pity Party, come on in and share your woes!!! 🙂