Regular readers and personal friends will know that I am DREADING the turning of another decade later this year. I’m not coping well at all and to be honest, I don’t really know why. It’s not like I think that all my (many) friends already in ‘that decade’ are over the hill. In fact, far from it, some of them are the most inspiring people I know.
Whilst on my #earlymorningrunclub run this morning a few things occurred to me and I wondered if I might actually be teetering on the edge of a bit of a mid-life crisis. Not in the stereo typical running off with a younger man (I already have one of those!), disappearing off travelling or buying a wholly lifestyle inappropriate set of wheels kind of way, but maybe a crisis nonetheless!
You see, in this last week I have:
• Had a ‘lack of time to exercise’ meltdown,
• Embarked on some pre 6am runs,
• Got a bit envious of my run club mates running the Bournemouth Marathon on Sunday,
• Requested a triathlon entry as a birthday present,
• Joined the newly formed Tri Club section of the Running Club,
• Procured a very speedy looking Road Bike, and
• Suggested that, in addition to a Triathlon, entries to the Winter Duathlon Series might also be good present suggestions for my family & friends.
As I ran this morning I pondered the catalyst for this and kept coming back to the same question…. Is this actually a ‘mid-life crisis’ or am I just starting to get back to the old me?
My 20’s saw me in a difficult marriage. I ate badly, never exercised and frequently puffed over 20 Marlboro Lights in a day. Towards the later 20’s I shifted to the opposite extreme as a coping mechanism for a life I felt was controlled by someone else. I became 2 stone underweight, exercised compulsively, lived on ‘zero points’ foods as much as possible and my inner control freak became impossible to control. I looked ill but couldn’t stop myself continuing to starve my body.
And then, at 29, my marriage ended, suddenly and badly.
As I recovered from events I headed into my 30’s and, with the help and support of incredible friends and family I turned things around – returning to a healthy weight, becoming less obsessive and feeling in control of my own life for the first time in a very long time.
My career went from strength to strength, I met Phil and the rest, as they say, is history.
Now I’m staring down the barrel of 40 and getting the urge to do things I’ve never even considered doing before. Maybe I’m making up for the 20’s when I wasted years living an unrecognisably unhealthy lifestyle. Maybe I’m getting my mojo back after 4 years of PND (please God let that finally be behind me, even if it is with the help of medication!). Or maybe it’s a mid-life crisis.
I’m fortunate that, despite everything, Phil is being incredibly supportive of me. The things I want to do will need some careful planning and juggling so as not to be detrimental to our family life. I fully anticipate some difficult early starts over the winter and probably some faltering along the way.
But I’ve always been a bit ‘all or nothing’ and maybe the recent months of de-motivated drifting and coasting are coming to an end.
I feel I’m moving through the Trans-Theoretical Cycle of Change. I’ve done the contemplation and preparation and am now gearing up for the action phase.
And if that’s a mid-life crisis….. BRING.IT.ON!
Now, how to broach the subject of a tattoo??!!