Shifting Sands

This post has been lurking in my drafts for a while, from time to time getting tweaked but never feeling quite ready to publish. And then, I read this post on Selfish Mother. A really thought provoking read and one which started quite a serious twitter discussion!

I know of lots of Mum’s who will have read that article and have very differing views of what it was saying. The title ‘What if the best years of  your life…..just aren’t?’ resonated deeply with me. I know that one day – probably not very far away – I will hark back to the ‘good old days’ when the girls were tiny and really needed me.. and they were MINE, untainted by school, other children, the media or anything else.

Of course I’ll be looking back through rose tinted glasses from (hopefully) a less tired state. Because, by then, my girls will be sleeping 12 hour nights, life will be calm and ordered and all will be brilliant!

2013/14 has been a pretty crappy 18 months one way and another. Out of the mess, and with the help of hours of counselling I came to realise that I had got myself into a situation that simply didn’t make me happy. Things needed to change!

Of course I love my girls but it’s clear to me that I was never born to be a stay at home Mum! In my opinion, it takes a far better person than I’ll ever be to cope with the demands of two pre school children 24/7!

And so I went back to work. When I started looking for a job I had no idea what was out there, what I wanted to do or, crucially, if anyone would even want me! It’s fair to say that the events of the aforementioned 18 months had left my confidence and self-esteem at its lowest ever ebb… which is saying something for someone with little to start with, even if I gave Oscar winning performances of confidence every day!

Putting myself in the job market was a little like this blog – huge potential for getting knocked back again and again and making confidence issues way worse!

But I got lucky.. I am working for a fantastic firm about 5 minutes from home. It’s an industry I have no real experience of, but my almost forgotten workplace skills seem to be transferring quite nicely.

I feel completely reinvigorated by going to work everyday. Of course the rest of my life now has to be organised with the kind of precision the military would be envious of, but it’s working.

So the question is – now that’s sorted, what do I change next? You see I know I’m not quite where I need to be.. But I am getting there!


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