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A question of trust..

Trust is a fragile thing, so easy to be careless with and yet once it’s damaged it becomes so vitally important and so very hard, if not impossible, to rebuild.

I had my trust totally and utterly shattered earlier this year. Two people took my trust and stamped all over it… and then claimed it was ‘nothing’.

Months on, I am still struggling to come to terms with the fact that they saw it as ‘nothing’.. everything that ever mattered to me was apparently worthless to them.

So whilst I have spent the last few months attempting to rebuild my life – and indeed am still doing- others have seemingly got away ‘scot free’. Their life apparently completely undamaged by their actions. No lessons learnt for them.

And in fact, one of them seems to be hell bent on repeating history.

If I wanted to I could cause absolute havoc in that person’s world. So why don’t I? Heaven only knows. Maybe I feel huge pity for them, that they are so unhappy and yet so utterly unable to take control of their own life. Or maybe one day I will, but then again, maybe I won’t need to. Maybe they’ll go a step too far with their own self-destructive behaviour and end up inflicting some of the pain I’ve been through on their own family.

But whatever the outcome, questions remain.. How do I move on? When will I stop feeling inferior to that person? When will I stop comparing myself to them? Will I ever really trust again?

And if not, can I live with that?

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